Intimacy & Sex Following Ostomy Surgery
Are you worried about sex following ostomy surgery? Read on if you haven’t yet guessed what we’ll be talking about today!
Birds do it. Bees do it. Even those with ostomies do it!
Having an ostomy means making a few lifestyle changes, some of which may be minor and others more significant. Questions and concerns regarding life following ostomy surgery, including your nutrition, social life, and physical activity, are expected.
Many new ostomates may be concerned about how living with an ostomy may affect their dating and sexual lives. The good news is that intimacy is still possible with an ostomy.
Here is a guide on physical intimacy following ostomy surgery.
Will having an ostomy destroy my sex life?
Having sex with a stoma pouch can be daunting, especially if you’re worried about your ostomy pouch leaking, noisy gas, or pain during intercourse.
Yes, the emotional and physical changes brought about by ostomy surgery may affect your life. However, after ostomy surgery recovery, intimacy does not have to be put on the back-burner. In truth, many ostomates have normal, healthy sexual lives.
Tips for Sex Following Ostomy Surgery
Let’s go through some useful ostomy surgery physical intimacy tips.
Tip 1: Allow yourself time to recover following ostomy surgery
Allow your body to recuperate before engaging in any physical activity, including sex. Remember that ostomy surgery is a major medical procedure that can take months to heal completely. As you heal, be kind to yourself and your body. Rest and be patient with yourself as you recover from ostomy surgery.
While one individual may want more time to recover before thinking about sex again, another may feel physically ready sooner.
Consult your doctor or an ostomy nurse if you have concerns about when it is safe to resume sexual activities. They will have the medical knowledge to give you a customised response.
Processing your emotions about your new ostomy may be part of the healing process. For example, now that you have a stoma, you may struggle with body image and self-esteem. You’ve been through a significant life transition, so feeling this way is natural.
One-on-one talk therapy with a certified therapist or counsellor can help you work through some of these feelings, so don’t dismiss it as an option if you’re having trouble.
You may also enjoy the sense of community that comes with being part of a specialised, supportive group of other ostomates. Consider joining an online group, such as The South African Society of Ostomates, where you can talk to other people who have ostomies about their actual experiences.
You might also find it beneficial to join an in-person or virtual ostomy support group.
Tip 2: Discuss any post-op issues with a medical expert
Following a major medical treatment, such as ostomy surgery, you may have side effects that limit your ability to be intimate, especially if substantial portions of your bowel or rectum were removed.
Discuss any concerns that arise following ostomy surgery with your doctor.
Concerns may include:
- Reduced sexual urge
- Inability to elicit or maintain an erection
- Loss of sensation in the vaginal area
- Pain while having sex or engaging in other physical activity
We understand how embarrassing it can be to discuss sensitive subjects such as sex and body functions. However, your doctor and nursing staff are available to you for questions like this and others. They may also be able to provide medical advice on how to engage in intercourse safely without harming your stoma.
Tip 3: When the time comes, communicate openly and honestly about your ostomy
Your ostomy is your business, so you have the right to tell those you want about your stoma bag and to keep things private from those you don’t want to talk to about your stoma. While it’s important to note that having a colostomy, urostomy, or ileostomy is nothing to be embarrassed about or to hide, who, what, and when you decide to talk about your stoma is entirely up to you.
I often get asked if anyone ever notices that I have an ostomy. In truth, the answer is no. When working out, hanging out with friends, or going on dates, I find it quite simple to conceal my ostomy pouching system beneath my clothes. Wearing VERA SA ostomy underwear goes a long way in keeping my pouching appliance in place and out of sight.
If, however, you plan on dating – truth be told, your ostomy pouch will be difficult to ignore. As a result, if you’re seriously dating someone or in a committed relationship, you’ll have to discuss your ostomy with your partner at some point.
I’ve found that the best way to do this is to communicate openly and honestly. Explain why you needed an ileostomy, urostomy, or colostomy surgery, including the disease or injury that caused it.
Try practising this conversation with a friend or family member who has been by your side during and after surgery before attempting it on someone you’re dating. The more you practice, the more confident you’ll feel when you decide to bring up your ostomy to the person you’re interested in.
The right person will recognise the significance of your ostomy in your life and health and understand your fears, anxieties, and concerns.
If possible, allow your partner to be a part of your rehabilitation process if you’re in a committed relationship. According to research, your partner’s support (or lack thereof) significantly impacts your adjustment to regular life and intimacy with an ostomy.
Tip 4: Get your doctor’s approval
Once your doctor has given you the all-clear to resume sex following ostomy surgery, you and your partner should discuss the sexual acts you feel comfortable undertaking.
Don’t try any activity that could harm or damage your stoma. If you are concerned about how to avoid injuring your stoma during intimacy, consult your doctor or an ostomy nurse.
Tip 5: Use choices to conceal your ostomy
Don’t be anxious about your ostomy being overly visible or destroying the atmosphere during physical intercourse. You have a few simple methods for concealing your ostomy.
Consider wearing a smaller, low-profile ostomy pouch when you’re ready to get physical. Just remember that smaller pouches won’t retain as much output and will need to be replaced quicker than larger pouches.
While clear ostomy pouches and colostomy bags with viewing windows are helpful, it’s understandable that you don’t want the contents of your pouch to be visible during physical intercourse. Your healthcare provider can assist you in locating the best ostomy products for your needs, including opaque ostomy pouch alternatives.
There are clothing and accessory alternatives available to assist you in feeling more at ease with your ostomy pouch during sexual intimacy. Wearing a loose tank top, camisole, or lingerie, for example, could assist cover your ostomy bag.
VERA SA’s unique range of men’s briefs and women’s panties stylishly conceal and discreetly support ostomy pouches. Crafted from super soft imported fabric for a fit that feels like second skin, our smooth style and stretchy underwear lies flat against your body, giving a good fit that will stay in place all day. The fabric is lightweight, breathable, and moisture-wicking – suitable for even the most sensitive skin.
The hidden stoma pouch prevents rubbing, irritation, or inflammation and reduces the possibility of detachment or leaks, keeping you feeling carefree all day. Vera SA underwear is also suitable to wear while sleeping and helps prevent the bag from shifting, creasing, or curling.
Tip 6: Use particular ostomy items to avoid pouch leakage
Are you scared about dislodging your ostomy pouch or experiencing an ostomy bag leak during intimacy?
Before engaging in physical contact, you may want to empty or change your ostomy bag. Alternatively, as previously noted, you can alter your pouch to a stoma cap or tiny pouch.
If you’re still concerned, you might want to look into certain ostomy equipment and accessories that can assist secure your pouch during physical exercise.
Many ostomies also prefer to use wraps or ostomy belts, which can give extra support and security during physical exercise or everyday wear.
Tip 7. Get rid of pouch odours
We understand. Nobody wants the odour of their ostomy bag to ruin their relationship. Why not start by taking a shower or bath? Next, because you can’t regulate your stoma output, ensure you use a new bag or empty your current one.
You could try an ostomy pouch deodorant or another ostomy odour-removing product. Discuss ostomy pouch odour reduction options with your healthcare provider.
You might also try burning scented candles or spritzing your body or the room with your favourite scented room spray, perfume, or cologne. However, never use perfume oils or scents that are not designed for ostomies in or on your ostomy bag.
Tip 8: Lower your chances of gas and pouch ballooning
If you have an ileostomy or colostomy bag, you should chat about gas-reduction methods with your doctor or ostomy nurse. If you know you will be intimate with a partner, avoid common gas-causing culprits in your diet, such as sugar alternatives, cabbage, soda, and beans.
Tip 9: Keep in mind that intimacy does not always imply intercourse
Physical closeness with a partner includes cuddling, kissing, and caressing. If you’re worried about having sexual relations after ostomy surgery, talk to your partner about what you can still do together. Concentrating on your partner’s needs may also be beneficial.
Cuddling, hugging, and kissing are excellent alternatives to ostomy surgical intercourse.
Tip 10: Have fun and keep optimistic
Of course, there will be bumps in the road to healing and pursuing physical intimacy after ostomy surgery. It is best to approach it with a positive attitude.
It’s not the end of the world if your stoma makes a weird noise during physical intimacy, for example. Allow for shared laughing and discover humour in the little things.
Maintain a good attitude and make room for laughing and pleasure, which are all essential components of healthy intimacy.
There are numerous reasons to be optimistic about your ostomy. Perhaps it has given you a second chance at life, or maybe you can now eat that one food you couldn’t previously. Perhaps your ostomy has improved your overall health and energy levels. Above all, we hope you discover new ways to appreciate life with an ostomy.
How VERA SA Can Help You
No matter what type of ostomy you have, all the output from the stoma must be collected in a secure and convenient way. That’s where investing in the right ostomy underwear is important.
Not only is super tight underwear often uncomfortable when worn for long periods of time, but it’s also not the best situation for your stoma because it can limit the flow.
With VERA SA ostomy underwear, you can get back to enjoying the things you want to enjoy – our range of underwear won’t stretch or fade and is available in five sizes for every body, size and shape.
Vera SA is a proud partner of CANSA and The South African Society of Ostomates.
Contact VERA SA at 082-833-9200, email info@verasa.store, or log onto
https://www.verasa.store/ for more information.
READ MORE BLOGS BY VERA SA:
HOW TO REDUCE OSTOMY GAS AND ODOURS
REPLACE YOUR COLOSTOMY BAG IN A FEW EASY STEPS
THE PROS & CONS OF DISPOSABLE OSTOMY BAGS
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